Shared from my friend, Hal Elrod:
“Confessions of a Care Giver- Even When Things are OK
Everything is going okay. Bonnie remains pleasant-natured, the ladies helping with her care are an incredible blessing, work is good, and for all practical purposes we’ve settled into our new life in the DFW Metroplex. Lifeline Chaplaincy feels like a good fit, and I still have some real estate business in place. I’m thankful—truly I am.
Last night I attended an Alzheimer’s support group in North Dallas. It was a great group of people with an excellent facilitator, and time well spent. As I sat quietly and listened, three common threads became clear.
First, dementia’s intrusion into daily life never goes away. Whether the loved one is a spouse, sibling, parent, or friend, the struggle is constant. Once bright, capable, articulate individuals are slowly overtaken by an illness that steals independence, intellect, functionality, and ultimately the very core of who they are.
Second, we all long for a life that feels *normal*—not perfect, just one without dementia.
And third, loneliness is real, and it is hard to overcome.
There were a couple of days this week when I was a little out of sorts, despite all the blessings. I simply wanted our lives back. I wanted Bonnie to once again be the bright-eyed, fun-loving companion she was for so many years. What makes this especially hard is watching what Alzheimer’s is doing to her and being completely unable to stop it. And I have to witness it daily. It’s just hard—plain and simple.
So today I say to my fellow caregivers: please don’t feel guilty for not being able to do everything that needs to be done. You are doing the best you can with limited resources. It’s okay to look in the mirror and wonder who the tired-eyed person staring back at you is.
Others may not understand what you’re walking through. The hurricane of dementia is not blowing through their lives—and you can be grateful it isn’t. I don’t know when your season with this will end, or mine. But celebrate the wins, however small they may be. Begin each day with gratitude for what you *do* have, and allow those thoughts to frame the time you spend with your loved one.
I’m honored to listen, to pray, and to walk alongside you.
God bless each one of you. The Lord is near.”
Thanks for sharing, Hal!
Lonnie
(Pic is my mother who suffers from Alzheimers)
